Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
