Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
