It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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