Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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