I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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