I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
