Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
