Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
