the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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