I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
