If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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