I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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