anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
