getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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