i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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