plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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