Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
