i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
