You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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