I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize