We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
