kristin has been a bad kristin
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
