new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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