i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
