we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
