what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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