last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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