I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
