I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
