Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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