I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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