i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
