Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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