would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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