yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
