meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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