What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
