They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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