come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
