even my farts smell like vagina
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
