I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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