Do you still have your period?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
