If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
