Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
