maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
