I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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