I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
