just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
