This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
