Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
