I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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