I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
