me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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