I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My dad just said "fuck circus"