Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
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This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.