whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.