you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize