I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
do nipples grow back?
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