you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
