david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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